Chris Rea: "Driving Home for Christmas"

Pop Music Fan Theories That Will Blow Your Mind!

8. Chris Rea's "Driving Home for Christmas" and "The Road to Hell" are about the same trip to and from Middlesbrough

Chris Rea is remembered mainly for three songs. One of them is "Fool (If You Think It's Over)" which is only fondly recalled by people of a certain age. The other two — closer to my own certain age so they aren't similarly blighted — are both about hitting the road. It's not for nothing he was at least once described as the "English Springsteen", you know. What you may not be aware of is that they're (possibly) about the same Christmas trip.

Humming in his car while stuck in traffic on the way up to his hometown of Middlesbrough, which in typically confusing Brit geography is actually in the north of England (though south of Sunderland which is practically knocking on the door of Scotland), Rea began composing "Driving Home for Christmas" just to pass the time. The lyrics describe the tedium and frustration of holiday congestion, feelings which are overshadowed by his excitement of spending Christmas with his family. His optimism ("but soon they'll be a freeway, yeah / get my feet on a holy ground) will likely be dashed

What we don't hear about is how the Rea clan actually celebrated but it may be pieced together based on how everyone spends the season, with perhaps a sprinkling of how a moderately famous rock musician does Christmas. First, he arrives carrying bags of presents and is greeted by everyone with handshakes and hugs. Then he's asked about not appearing on the telly in a while and older relatives begin to look at him in judgement, wondering when he's going to get a proper job (later, a drunken uncle comes right out and says this to Chris while others do an unconvincing job standing up for the singer). An elderly relation questions his wisdom of choosing to reside in London "where all the darkies live" but he assures her that he's happy and safe. The food is good and there's plenty to drink so he has a decent time overall but the family is starting to wear on him. He decides to regale them with his latest tune, composed, he says, on his way up here but he knows they'll only want him to trot out "Fool..." because that's the only one they know.

Three days of this is more than enough so Chris decides to head back down to London after breakfast on Boxing Day. He claims to have a gig that night which is always a nice excuse. Traffic heading south is just as bad at was the other day and now he only has his dreary flat awaiting him. The red lights and tailbacks aren't as easy to take this time round and he begins to get testy. He felt a kinship with other drivers while heading up to Middlebrough but now they're all getting on his nerves. Stopping at a Little Chef in Rutland proves to be the last straw: the burger is as remarkable as ever, the only people who recognize him are the kind of people he dearly wishes wouldn't and it takes an age to get back on to the motorway. A brooding tune comes to him as it begins to darken and London draws near. As he approaches the M25, he whispers in a low, menacing voice, "oh no, this is the road to hell". And another song is born.

~~~~~

The above isn't strictly true but, then, it's a fan theory so what does accuracy have to do with anything? While now one of Rea's most enduring numbers, "Driving Home for Christmas" failed to catch on back in 1988 and was significantly outpaced by a fifty-year-old dark horse flop from yodeller George Van Dusan (not to mention an awfully creepy-sounding number from Bobby McFerrin).

This indignity aside, Chris Rea had a bona fide holiday classic on his hands — one that's probably earned him more money than any of his actual hits. As for a holiday favourite that proved to be a legitimate contender for that year's Christmas Number One sweepstakes, we shall see tomorrow. Even if it isn't about Christmas at all.