Girls Aloud: "Not Tonight Santa"

Christmas songs connected with sex are often problematic. Despite the prudish times, two of the best known date back to the early fifties. Jimmy Boyd's famous recording of "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" caused a stir that it was explicitly promoting sex, particularly the kind between obsese gift-giver and miserable, lonely housewife. It was Boyd's quivering vocal that had me feeling uneasy since I could never be sure if the singer was a little boy or a dirty old man. (But at least the terror in his voice didn't give away the game: most covers are delivered with a winking "yeah, I know who Santa is" tone which clearly misses the point. They really ought to cover Buck Owens' similar "Santa Looked a Lot Like Daddy" which doesn't have a punchline they can ruin)

Also from around the same time is "Santa Baby". Again, the original is the most effective with Eartha Kitt doing her best to be sultry with Old Saint Nick while subtly implying that she's a lonely, penniless young woman who is so desperate for so happiness that she's reduced to trying to seduce the big guy. Subsequent covers by Madonna and Kylie Minogue do all right with the sex kitten side but completely ignore quite why a lass would feel the need to beg his nibs for a prezzie.

So, the originals are best but they're still pretty creepy. What we need is a song that throws together real sexuality in less dire circumstances and which doesn't have to warp the mind of a child. Is that too much to ask?

Happily, that's exactly what we have with "Not Tonight Santa" by Girls Aloud. Eschewing presents and stockings and everything Father Christmas stands for, ver Girls just want a little rumpy pumpy for their holidays. Though adults, they're trying to come off as girls trying to get away with an illicit booty call at their boyfriend's place ("your baby sister sleeping and your daddy's on the phone"). Similar to Kitt's reading of "Santa Baby", they're living in a world without Christmas presents but they've making the best of it as long as their guy is there to give them a little sack time ("No stocking this morning but that don't make me blue...").

Though I'm no fan of girl groups and twenty-first century dance pop, I gotta admit there's a tune here.  I used to have a colleague who reckoned that the rules of Christmas songs flouted those of normal pop. Singers and bands you'd never have anything to do with might serve up a seasonal number that you couldn't resist. I might be able to resist any of these ladies but I can't resist their bit of holiday hot stuff. I'd wish for it to be covered by other artists in the future but they'd no doubt ruin it too.